Cant take the bong out of bong

Why a bong will always be a bong!

1. The first gotta be food. The daily musuri/ moog dal and bhaat is an absolute necessity, so much so that Bongs travelling abroad (outside Bengal) will still look for a bangali restaurant. No matter if experimenting with local cuisine is on agenda or not and that they eat the same back home.

2. What we wear is an absolute signature of what we are. God forbid if we are travelling to Maanaali/ Shimlaa, monkey toopis (monkey caps) will save the day. Children have to be wrapped in 3 - 4 layers or there is no saving from the treacherous cold. God help you if a its a beach location. ma, mashi and mamuni's still have to wrap themselves in the 9-yard saree or the salwar kammez complete with the dupatta. Whilst the women take saving dignity very seriously, the men obviuosly throw care to the wind. They can usually be seen is underpants with their pot bellies preceding them.

3. Bong mothers. This should be self explanatory but If you are one unenlightened soul then let me show you the light. When god was creating moms, they decided on different so they created bong moms. There is popular Vodafone ad where the message says its built specially for mom's wider reach. The fact that they missed out on was- that its was the BONG moms. Once I tried explain the concept of a bong mom coming armed with a tiffin carrier to school to feed their off springs, to a friend. Having grown up in the north, it took him a while to grasp it, but you get the point. If you are out for a movie, with prior notice to her, she will still call you in the middle of it, she will insist on knowing how is it, when did its start, who is acting, well I can go on but that will take up an entire book.

4. We love everything mustard. The oil, the kashundi, the steamed hilsa, dabbing it on yourself in winters. We just cant seem to have enough of it. The reason still eludes us but the research is on.

5. There is a budding writer/ poet in all of us. We somehow, secretly, believe are distant descendants of Rabindranath Thakur. So we have to have to have keep the family heirloom alive and kicking. The gift of strong vocab and voracious reading should not and must not go to waste.

6. Durga Pujo. Who can forget that. Even If you have just 25% bong blood running in your veins, you have to dress up in the most gorgeous piece of clothing that you can lay your eyes over and strut around in them in Pujo pandals. Telebhaja and fuchkas are sacred food and absolutely not to be ignored.

7. Exams are taken very seriously, just like every other Indian household. However, Bongs believe in overdoing things. So they create their very own exit exams (like exit polls). Once babai/ shonamuni reache home after writing their paper, they are made to give a repeat performance of their 3 hour ordeal. This ofcourse is with keeping in mind their future planning. If bababi scores 88 in this term, then obviuosly he has to work harder in the next, crack the IIT and become the next JC Bose.

8. Local Valentines Day. If the world believed that Bengal can only be associated with everything old and run down, then hold it right there. We celebrate our very own Valentine's Day. Have you seen girls and boys pretty up on Saraswati Pujo day? Do you think its a happy coincidence that the 'Valentine's Day' follow soon? Our Indian gods are very smart and have placed their birthdays with meticulous planning.

9. Loudness. Our definition is very different from the Punjabi one. We just believe in decibles. Be it a converstaion with a friend/ ma/ baba/ dada, it got to garner the maximum attention, the most turned heads, and a few giggles also. Obviuosly, our strong protective layer safegurads us from taking notice of any kind of rebuke/ embarassment.

10. Multitasking runs in our blood. An average Bong kid will learn to play the tabla, practise joga (yoga), paint, dance, sing abritti ( did you take recitation for granted?), be the cricket champ or the football, master karate, phew... This ironically is in conflict with the famous childhood pearl of wisdom - Porashuna kore je gadi ghoda chore she (The one who studies will enjoy riches later in life)

Lost

A young starlet recently decided that life was too painful a journey. So she took the 'easier' way out. Thousands take their lives every year, leaving their near - dear ones lost and completely hopeless. But was this girl special? I don't think so, but being a celebrity comes with a price tag. Every news writer, reporter, blogger believes they have the birth right to comment on them. Death isn't gruesome enough, infact allows for a scope for more masala. Well, I don't stand in a position to judge because I am sort of guilty too. Sort of , because I intend to discuss the 'problem' and not 'her problem'.

'Suicide'may be a grim affair but the term is thrown around unabashedly. I have been reading and keep coming across words like 'coward', 'loser', 'ungrateful'. What we forget is people who do take the extreme steps, are, in that small window, from 'deciding a happy life isn't for them to actually hurting themselves' are hardly themselves anymore. Most of them are depressed and need support. Maybe they are too proud to ask for a shoulder to rest their heavy heart on, or they just don't have someone. Something as simple as 'I miss my family as I am extremely lonely' to 'my sweetheart doesn't want me anymore' can be a very strong trigger. Calling this an act of cowardice - isn't doing justice to the situation. Not all of us are born equal. If this can be true for our social standing, physical features, then why not our mental strength. Maybe some of us need more love and support at times.

I read this today morning. A blogger was comparing a street beggar's will to live with that of the deceased starlet. I was disturbed at the thought. When we suffer, it is but human to think that your pain and hurt is at the very pinnacle and nothing can be worse. Preaching how many farmers take their lives over failed crops that year has nothing to do with the issue at hand.

I don't have a solution to the problem. But I believe, letting your guards down in times of need and asking for support, will keep you from shoving yourself into eternal darkness.

A rainy affair

The queen of seasons is already here. By here I mean the green city - Bangalore. It hasn't arrived empty handed, but brought the king of fruits - mangoes - with itself. Doesn't it make for a perfect picture, you sitting at the window and the succulent yummy mangoes to give you company. The fruit has a seductive vibe to it. So, no wonder, where I thought I will discuss the rains, I very smoothly jumped to mangoes.

Sticking strictly to rains, this weather presents an irresistible charm. The grumpy clouds overhead, the uncertainty of whether it will rain (or not), the hidden desires that come to life when you grow conscious of a pair of eyes on you, while trying to make your way through the puddle bana swimming pool. One has to admit that through the autos that refuse to budge on a super rainy day, the overflowing gutters right outside your doorstep and the frizzy limp hair that makes you look like a sad version of you, there is a certain romanticism involved in the entire monsoon story. Blame it on the Bollywood movies or the cheesy novels, the weather promises an ambiguous start to a new affair.

I have always wondered what is this sweet mystery surrounding it? What is it that makes us despise it so much and still never get over the love affair? Maybe I never want to unravel it, maybe I never want it to cease, maybe I want to keep the doors open to fresh beginnings, unfamiliar avenues and novel experiences.

 Photo credit: tst_99

Age and time

How many of us associate the word 'old' with themselves? I guess a very few. We want to be alive and young forever, and foolishly believe that death, accident, illness and age cannot touch us. It is funny how we celebrate each birthday with such pomp and hoopla, but refuse to grow up. Honestly, I am not sure how to approach the title that I want to discuss today. Few months back, I saw an image on my wall, which presented the ironies connected with growing older. The father who is usually busy earning a livelihood misses out on the joy of bringing up his kids, the couple who never had enough money to see the world, is unable to do so even at older age, now because they lack good health. I didn't rack my brain over it because it was just one of those boring items, definitely not for the fun and young me.

So I met this old friend after a long time. We are in the same city but stay at two different ends. So, after careful planning over which coffee shop, what time, WHERE, etc the meeting was a success. I know her since I changed schools in my 4th std and was made to sit behind her. We have moved cities, colleges, made new friends, 15 years and still in touch. We haven't had much stay overs and was completely unaware of the coolness factor of 'pyjama party' till the Americans showed us and that was much later. One of the rare occasion when I did stay over at her place was about 3 years back. It was just 1 night but I will always remember the day. The I will always remember bit has very little do with how we broke into her dad's bar and stole some 'things' (in coffee mugs-which we had to rinse squeaky clean later, to remove evidence of any foul play) and mostly related to her house. In fact, the mansion would be a better word.

The big HOUSE had I don't know how many bedrooms, but I noticed most were empty. They were a big family of 5, but all kids were working out of town, settling themselves, building a life. I remember stealing glances at that mansion of a house in our younger days. Luckily the very friend was there too and we would together wonder the magic and fun the place held behind its big bolted gates. When I did stay over that day, I understood the word irony. The house was majestic and meant for a big happy family. But only 3 souls occupied that place. It was so easy to turn philosophical, with the Ganges right at your feet (!!) and long walks in the mango grove. I wish life could be turned around and we could start at the very end.

Stuck

A few days back, 3 to be precise, was a not so very nice day for me. I had a dinner to attend with my family. As it was in the honour of my dad, it was expected of me to go. I unfortunately, couldn't convince my mother about an overtime option at work. I cursed myself later on way to the 'party' on being such a whopping success as a fool! 5 years of hostel plus an additional 2 years of on my own hadn't taught me anything. One one hand I had mastered the art of not making my bed for 2 weeks in a row and using the chairs in my room as part-time wardrobe, and on the other I still couldn't make up stories with conviction.

Anyway, I ended up going. I knew it was going to be boring bad, but I wasn't prepared for a kick on my back. I don't know which was worse--being stuck with kids of 13 who were discussing Barney Stinson or aunties who talked of 5 ways to prepare Morabba in accented Hindi! Now I am a big fan of pickles,etc, so I ignored the terribly put-on accent and focused on how are they made (seriously!) But then one of them suddenly commented on how Bangalore houses are way more expensive than Mumbai's. I realized I didn't trust her anymore-- even if it's just achaar making.

The entire atmosphere was disturbing. Everyone seemed to enjoy, including my family. I felt betrayed.
 I thought I will make the best of the evening and turned my attention towards Food, when one of the cheeky 13 year old made her grand entry and wished all the 15 aunties in row and didn't stop/break at me. I had to be content with salad and just 1 puri after that. I had already made a secret prayer to the god inside me -- God! one day this stupid girl will turn my age and then, we will see!
Malevolence does not come naturally to me, but I felt cornered.

The day wasn't over yet. There were two new entrants, the aspiring model (think Deepika Padukone at 5'5) sisters. One hot woman is usually enough to ruffle up a chubby girl next door's pretty feathers, and here I was dealing with two. One of them decided to open her prettily glossed lips and grace us with some pearls of wisdom. I heard her telling a big chic, allegedly her friend, not to worry about her weight issues,,"You see! its your body structure" (Besides the smirk, the horns were almost visible) I convinced my poor heart that they aren't pretty and its just the scrawniness.

My heart  had very little space left to take any more blows. As If on cue, dad came to the rescue! Party was over and I could go home and crawl up in  bed and my oversized shirt and feel safe in my own little world

Are you dumb?

So is the answer No! Definitely a NO! or is there a teeny weeny bit inside you trying to lift its head against the lie. A vehement denial shows the daal is not all yellow(!!). Why the sudden question -- because I feel extremely 'dumb' today. Not the 'I need sympathy, save me, damsel in distress' dumb but the real thing.

World says, jao, udo, spread your wings, make mistakes, lose, experience! Easier said than done Mind You.
It takes some amount of 'daring' to make that mistake, gain from it and move ahead. I remember the first major error I did at work. Now that I look back, it seems pretty tuccha to the potential errors that I may commit now. Back then, it was my end of the world. I also understood the sadists of the world live for such moments, feed on others 'dumb' moments. Doesn't matter if these sad sadist character cannot separate a comma from a semicolon..that is but so not the point.

I don't know what you all smart asses out there do?
But I keep feeling terrible for the rest of the day, turn moody the next day and god save you If you cross my path in the next few days to come. In addition to turning moody, I start reliving all my 'loser' moments..moments which is nicely tucked away in a corner of my heart but does make special appearances. They are sad, creepy, sneaky, spooky and very Dementorish,,suck all the happiness out in a matter of seconds. All achievements, happy moments, success stories are wiped out leaving you blank. A dark cloud takes over and you start re-living the not so nice flashes from the past, voices mocking you, fingers pointed at you, yes now you believe them,, you are the epitome of dumbness!

I wish I could leave with a message of hope and triumph! You forget I feel dumb

Feminist? Real or Fake?

The question of the day to the women out there -- Are you a feminist for the sake of being one? Is there something like a fake feminist? (I strongly believe all male chauvinists are genuine). Do we, the Indian women need saving? I sometimes feel, 'woman empowerment' occupies a prestigious 3rd position in the Oscar of Topics (right after Cricket and everything Bollywood).

I have never believed that I am feminist but I have been tagged as one, and so many times that its amusing. Every accusation brings a smile to my face. But it makes me angry also because I strongly feel I have a neutral outlook towards woman issues. How do I call a spade - a spade without being branded as part of the elite feminist club. I tried shutting up but then..I am an Indian, on top a woman,,that too a Bongali one!

Enough with my plight, and we return to my original question. Do feminists create fake nuisance? Are all their plights fake? Was the lady who reported the Delhi rape case a feminist too? Sound absurd! But If we delve a  little deeper into the problem, we realize that it is our failure as a society that the word exists in the first place.

I am not talking about the newly married brides who are burnt alive, the just born babies put to death, the 4-year old something touched inappropriately..no they are too cliched for us. They should be reserved to fill page 3-4 of our national dailies and provide us company while we gulp down the morning tea or sit through our daily ablutions. I am talking about the slighter notions we hold about a 'woman'.

Why isn't your wife the leading bread-winner for your family? Believe in her and she can be much more than a 2nd grade teacher.
Treat her parents as the real parents too, remember they are old too and need company.
For god's sake, learn to cook and change nappies. They are your kids too, not the neighbour's.
If she is driving, let her. Chances are she is a much safer and pleasant driver than you.
ASK her If she wants to relax after the child comes. Her career choices are to be made by her. You wouldn't like it If she makes work choices for you.

History says women were held in high esteem and occupied positions of pride in the society. We got lost somewhere on the way. Today we pray to 10 different goddesses but don't hesitate to objectify women at the drop of a hat. It is the same India where Kareena Kapoor refuses to change her surname after her nikaah and a rape victim lies on the street for hours for help.

So I do not really care If a 'feminist' concern is genuine, till we assure ourselves of change and promise a fearless tomorrow to future daughters, it doesn't matter.